by Kurt Scheinpflug and John Heslin
Frowning girls
Takes an hour just to find
With so tiny an appendage
Suffering from shrinkage all the time

Woman one:  she said I had no flute to play
Woman two:  "why don't you put peewee away"
Stupid me:  thought I had hid it from friends
But I heard it from them, I"m microscopically thin
So now I pad
I pad

Insults hurled
Teenage boys I lag behind
And my briefs are so damn spacious
Thoughts of Enzyte on my mind

Woman one:  Laughs so hard she starts to tear
Woman two:  "It's worse than you ever feared"
Woman three:  "You got a tiny wishbone"
That's it, it's full-grown, don't want it well-known
So now I pad
I pad

I gave up all my paychecks and spend it on socks
I hope and I pray that size don't count a lot
Something bigger I dream about, truth makes me blue
Why's my ding-a-ling always make me look like I'm two
I gotta pad
Yeah I pad